Weblog

Tuesday, 18 August 2009

  • Rest easy Little Pumkin.

    Last night my rat died :(((((((((((((((

    Honestly Im so upset, I didnt think it would hurt me this bad.
    She had a respiratory infection,so I scheduled a vet appointment for today.

    Allll yesterday I laid in my bed with her cuddled on my chest or on my neck.

    Her breathing kept getting worse.


    It was like 10:30 at night and with every breath she took I could hear this loud loud weeeze.

    I was petting her and trying to calm her down.

    Everytime she'd inhale her body would shoot forward I saved her from falling of the bed twice, than the third time she actually fell..

    I quick picked her up and held her to my chest .

    Her body was twisting and pulsing.

    She scratched the helll out of my chest.

    she tried to bite me but I could let her go jump off the bed again so I heldly her lightly.


    Her body tensed up and it almost looked like she was stretching,she was was shaking and twisting.Her body pulsed (or stretched) three times, and on the third time her heart stopped beating.


    She died in my fucking hands.


    A;SJDJGHASKJFHA;SFH
    I seriously keep replaying the whole fucking day in my head over and over again.

    The parts where shed just stare at me and I'd urge her to eat or drink.
    Or when she'd nuzzle up in my neck and I could hear her trying to breath.

    I had to hold my rat while she had like a fucking heart attack.

    DO YOU KNOW HOW TRAUMATIZING THAT IS?

    ah, everyone thinks Im so crazy for being this upset about my rat.

    This is the pet I came home to every day , the one I made snacks for, watched tv with, talked to , Loved, kissed snuggled.
    asd;dioghas;jghasglkgfa

    and last night, I had to watch her die.

    NO
    I had to feel her die in my hands.
    ajkfhddjsf

    I can't stop thinking about it, I feel so anxious and stressed.

    I dont even feel like she's gone it happened so fast.
    She was supposed to go to the vet today and everything was going to be fine.

    That was never supposed to happen, I wasnt ready for that.
    :(

    I'm so upset, I dont know what to do.


Monday, 10 August 2009

  • I’m not asking to find Mr.Perfect .


    Just a guy with a Heart and a Brain.


    When he sees me, he gets those nervous knots in his stomach, kind of like a little kid. He’s not ashamed of me; he’s more than willing to admit he has a girlfriend. He holds my hand. He takes me out on dates. He holds me from behind, and lays his head on mine. He knows my flaws, and somehow manages to appreciate them. He goes out of his way to make me feel beautiful. He doesn’t cling, but he never lets go. He stays up with me when I can’t sleep. He always steels the covers from me in the night. He tells me when I’m being unreasonable. He has a job. He kisses my forehead when I’m sick. He hasn’t forgotten how to be a kid, but he’s grown up. He tells me how he’s feeling, even if it’s not what I want to hear. He goes out of his way to make things work. He lets me fall asleep with my head on his chest. He is smart. He needs me. He knows what my favorite color is, without asking. He knows when I’m upset. He gets along with my parents. He touches my face when he kisses me. He shows me something new. He’s never distant. He makes me smile, just by looking at him.  He misses me when I’m not around. He has a sense of humor. He knows about my past, and cares about my future. He doesn’t do drugs. He knows when I’m lying. He takes me to sea world, because deep down I’m a fucking 5 year old. He can defend himself. He runs his hands through my hair. He thinks I’m smart. He gives me the biggest, longest hugs ever. He thinks I’m significant. He tells me his secrets. He would never cheat. He doesn’t want to lose me. He is taller than me. He tickles me. He lets me steal his clothes. He is jealous, but never in a bad way. He listens to me. He’s cute, without really making an effort. He watches Disney movies with me, and at least pretends to like it. He isn’t embarrassing. He’s someone I’m proud to call my own. He hates awkwardness. He never gets too big of an ego. He admits when he’s wrong, but he isn’t afraid to argue with me. He doesn’t mind my constant mood swings. He isn’t self-centered. He isn’t simple. He is wonderful. He takes us seriously. He shares his taco bell/slurpee’s with me. He likes the movie lord of the rings. He is his own person. He isn’t afraid of love.


    & He Doesn’t Exist.

    <3

Tuesday, 12 May 2009

  • Heart Means Everything

    Arms to hold me close, keep me safe.

    The transparent emotions you throw left and right.

    My eyes, flooded.

     

    The doubt in my mind is the strength in my legs.

    I keep walking. I keep standing.

    You haven’t knocked me off course just yet.

     

    I’m bruised, I’m broken.

    But I’m breathing.

     

     

    This fucking clock.

    These fucking headaches.

     

    When will it end.

    When do I get to start over.

     

    When can you get the fuck out of my life.

     

    I hate the mascara stains on my pillow.

    I hate that you have that much power.

     

    I need someone to hear me.

    Someone to truly listen.

     

    You are a worthless excuse for a “man”.

    Thank you so much for breaking me.

    Thank you so much for lying.

     

    You and your fucking false pretenses.

     

    I can’t sleep at night.

     

    Thanks.

Wednesday, 22 April 2009

  • You need to see this movie.

    Photobucket

    So, just a few weeks  ago I was searching on demand movies to watch and I stumbled upon this movie called

    "mermaid" The entire thing is in Russian i think, but anyways ITS AMAZING.
    it has no story line, no plot, no distinct setting. Its so random, but its great.

    I recommend ALL of you see it!
    If you do see it, Please let me know what you thought of it (:
    I haven't been posting very often lately, I'm trying to get back in the groove of things!
    Enjoy.
    Photobucket


    ^^^^ ahahahhaa.


Sunday, 22 February 2009

  • I got my knuckles bruised.

    I’m floating Simply carried by a breeze.

    You’re not a companion type, more like a lovesick disease.

    As I passed by you, a single beat my heart forgot.

     You brought a smile to my face and an unfaithful thought, could it be?

    Maybe you and I, we’d share a few thoughts.

    Maybe you’d think I was pretty, someone worth nervous stomach knots.

    But I’m just another, a collision of currents

    Your breeze disagreed with my own, and we,

     

    We went opposite directions.

     

     

     

    At first I was satisfied, But

    My heart hurt, it burned a new shade of abandonment.

    Any sort of attachment leads to detachment

     

    So, just look at me now.

    Do you feel any inclination to apologize?

    Is there an explanation in the back of your words holding potential consolation?

     

    Or are you content with my desolate state?

    The lack of understanding, the immense regret and blame I lay upon my back like bricks of a building.

     

    This is all okay with you?

    Your satisfied knowing, I take all the blame for the shit that you do.

     

    I make excuses for your wrongs, and I pretend you were happy too

    Maybe it is my entire fault, I’ve done it again.

    I’ve been here one too many times before.

     

    I’m sorry I met you.

    In time your name I will forget.

     

     

    I hope mine burns a hole in your hand.

    So when she reaches out to hold you, She’ll know your empty.

About Me

  • I like parties with strangers. I like pretending I know what you mean, When I don't. I like the sand between my toes. I like Kisses at any old time. I like Chairs that spin I like sitting in my shower vs. standing. I like Gasoline rainbows. I like Mythology. I like when you want to hold my hand. I like hoodies. I like long car rides. I like singing. I like boys who treat me good.

Pulse

Music I listen too;Bands.

death cab for cutie ,Motley crue ,The blow ,A day To Remember , A Skylit Drive. M.I.A, Cat power, Metro Station, Foxy Shazam, Panic at the disco, Fall out boy, Bright eyes, Tegan and Sara, Sky eats airplane, Dashboard confessionals,The kooks, Lil Wayne, Katy perry, The Beatles, dance Gavin dance, The Acacia Strain, Daft Punk, Crystal castles, ATB, Cyndi Lauper, Daphne loves derby, Emmure, The Notwist, Escape the fate, Feist, a fine frenzy, The format, Hellogoodbye, Imogen Heap, Kate Nash, Kimya Dawson, MGMT, My Children My Bride, Owl city, Paramore, Radiohead,Lydia, A Rocket to the moon, Rocket summer, Tickle me pink, Silverstein, Jonathan stark, Young Coyotes, TingTingTongs, Underoath, Vanna , 3OH!3